so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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