a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
