Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
