you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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