If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
