just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
