ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
