I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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