is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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