i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
