i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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