just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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