clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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