I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
