apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
