a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
