he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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