Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
