Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
