she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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