You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
