Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
