My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
only you would photoshop your dick
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
