How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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