Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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