Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
