This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
