Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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