I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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