Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
