Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
