brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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