someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you didnt know i had herpes?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
