Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
