Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
