Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
