Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
