I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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