just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
