This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have fence marks all over my body
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
