Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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