Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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