you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
