i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
