I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
