Can i not drive my cunt home
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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