my mouth tastes like poor choices
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
