Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
