What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
