ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
